🌟Trigger Warning🌟
January 2018 came and it came to light that Pete wasn’t being completely honest with his therapist about what had happened to him.
He asked me to go to his appointment with him and to speak for him, they needed to know however hard it was.
I still hadn’t gone home since that day in December, he didn’t want me to leave him and I didn’t feel okay leaving him either so it worked.
February came round and Pete started to act strange again. He would get angry over the smallest of things, he was so irritable with me when I hadn’t done anything and I started to see the signs.
A parcel arrived one day, he told me it was for my valentines day present and hid it.
I was suspicious but at the same time there has to be some level of trust in any relationship for it to work. I wasn’t his carer or nurse I was his girlfriend. I was already in control of his medication.
Now I don’t remember everything of this occasion but I’ll write as honestly as I can.
It came to a head one afternoon, I had been doing something on his phone and a email came through from a hotel locally confirming his stay and requests. I knew we both didn’t have the money for something like that which concerned me so I questioned it.
He wouldn’t tell me, down right refused. This wasn’t like Pete at all and it worried me.
I managed to look through his phone properly and found he had booked himself a room at said hotel, he had also asked that a parcel be delivered there for him.
Because I knew this he didn’t have a leg to stand on and backed down.
He had been researching how to suffocate yourself with a CPAP machine.. Don’t ask me how this is possible, I could never get my head round it. He had ordered a machine and what he needed and planned to do it in that hotel room at the weekend.
I phoned his CPN immediately and told his mum. It was not easy.
Back to the crisis team.
It’s so hard to sit and write these posts, I so wish I could of done more. But I honestly don’t know what more that would of been, how do you stop someone so determined?
