🌟Trigger Warning🌟
Since the funeral I feel like we have all been in some kinda of limbo world. Waiting for the post mortom results and news on the inquest.
Inbetween this time petes parents have sold the house. I have to move within the next couple of weeks and as of now I’m not entirely sure where to. It’s a complex situation which isn’t helping.
But I can understand there need to leave. I guess I feel that this is the last place we were together and I’m trying to hold on to that. I’m scared of leaving, I don’t wanna be somewhere Pete never was. It’s hard.
I have to start sorting his things soon, where do you even begin.
Everyone tells me to take one day at a time but it’s not that easy. I like plans, I thrive off routine. My future has all gone to shit and suddenly all plans and routine have been thrown out. I don’t know how to focus on one day at a time. I’m constantly looking ahead. But right now that scares me so much.
There are so many dates coming up, the wedding weekend, our anniversary, petes birthday, Christmas etc etc I know we have to do all these first and get through them but I’m dreading them all. We have planned a night out for petes birthday which I know he would of liked.
About a week ago we got the post mortom results which confirmed an overdose. As much as I knew this would be the case, it was still a shock. I think because of how different he had been before hand this time and there was no evidence around him this time I couldn’t be certain. Sadly there was more than enough in him to prove it.
What upsets me most is that he got hold of this medication.
I had control of his meds and we had a safe for them. None were missing from it.
It turned out that Pete has seen a nurse the week before and must of asked for a prescription which she gave him.
This makes me so mad, I know it’s not her fault whatsoever but with petes history why didn’t it flag up when he was asking for meds before they were due. I just feel more could be done in this area to help others in the future.
There have been so many changes since Pete died. What people don’t realise is all the things you have to do when someone dies.
Obviously I had to cancel the wedding. My mum tried to do the registry office for me but they wouldn’t accept it, I had to phone them. Which I did. They sent me an email confirming the cancellention with the reason being ‘fiance deceased’ I realise they have to write it but it’s a kick to read it on paper.
Aswell as those things though we have had to tell everyone and everything, then because there is an inquest we are unable to register the death till after the inquest next April!
We had to tell his car company as it was on finance, they were good in the sense money is wiped from the debt however they came and took the car within days of phoning. Watching it be driven away by somone else was hard.
Phone contracts have to be cancelled, bank accounts, passports, driving lisence, benefits, debts etc etc and you have to go through it with each person.
I must say o2 were very very good. They have a dedicated bearevment line and it was sorted within 15 mins. Others haven’t been so helpful. They still send post in his name, you get phone calls asking for him still. Its not easy.
But i guess these are the things you just don’t expect to be dealing with this young.
