Today, Friday 6th September is our wedding day.
I should be getting ready and feeling like a princess aswell as having a nervous breakdown because it wouldn’t be me without one.
Pete and I didn’t want traditional, we wanted it to be right for us. So instead of having the wedding in one hit, we were getting married today, with only our two best friends as witnesses and having our reception tomorrow evening with all our friends and family.
For us it took the stress and anxiety away to a degree. We were getting married at Poole registry office, then going for a meal with our two best friends before going to spend the night at the bridgehouse, our reception venue.
Our reception would have been beautiful, Pete let me choose most things happily, although he did put his foot down at a Disney fancy dress wedding 😬
We had been buying and planning it since we got engaged, neither of us wanted a long engagement. We just wanted to be married.
Our theme was rustic and Rose gold, with a little bit of Disney here and there 😉.
We had everything booked, alot paid for, everything falling into place. I had my dress, the flower girls had there dresses, we had all the decorations, we had our rings, etc.
I spent a week at the beginning of the year making all our favours so they were personal to us. Every little detail was thought of. If you know me yourll know how much I love the little details.
The excitement when we wrote and sent out invitations, I just could not wait to be Mrs Humphrey. And I know Pete felt the same 💕I have never believed in knowing when you meet that one person, but with Pete he changed that in me, he was everything I didn’t know I needed and more. He completed me.
I wrote a post on Facebook a few months ago about how I would be a bride in just 17 weeks, it was coming round so quickly but the excitement was constantly there. Pete wrote similar posts.
But now it’s all changed. 13 weeks ago my life changed forever and my heart was broken.
I don’t get to wear my dress today, I don’t get to walk down the aisle towards the man who stole my heart. I don’t get to party with all my loved ones and I don’t get to marry my soulmate. I never imagined it would go this way, maybe that was naive of me but its not something you ever want to imagine happening.
I know that if those demons hadn’t got so big, Pete would still be here with me today. I know that he loved me no matter what. But this sadly doesn’t make today or any day any easier.
Tonight im going to be with my closest friends and some of petes closest friends, who knows what state I’ll be in but I know that they will be there to hold me up should I need it.
To my amazing, loving, witty, fun Pete.
You should be here today, down the end of that aisle waiting for me. You would of been crying, I probably wouldn’t and you would of told me I had a heart of stone haha. It doesn’t seem right or fair that today has turned out how it has, you don’t deserve not to be here today, you deserved your happily ever after more than anyone I know. I want you to know that no matter what, you will always have my heart, you are the one person who took the time to get to know me properly, to accept me for who I am completely and to still treat me like a princess. I’m so thankful for all you did for me, you gave me strength to get through the days that try to break me, you gave me confidence when I had none, you told me I was beautiful when I’ve never seen that myself. Our time together has been cut so short, but that only makes me more grateful for the time we had together. Every day was worth it with you, you used to wind me up something awful but I wouldn’t of had it any other way. That was you, my annoying clumsy wally. As much as today hurts, I know that you are at peace now, your head has finally gone quiet and you are free. I hope you will be proud of me going forward, because every step I make is for you babe. I love you more than I can say, always and forever my love. Always xxx
