Tonight I’m not sure I wanted to write necessarily but I needed to get this out.
It’s been 2 years and 3 months since losing Pete. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him or miss him and nothing will ever take away my heart fully from him.
But as time has passed it has made me think about my future and what I want for me. It’s made me question so many things.
Ive always wanted a family, my own happily ever after. I dream of being married and having children. But it feels like something that’ll never happen.
How do I share my heart? Is that something that’s even possible? How do I even meet someone willing to take on me and my baggage? I’m so broken and why would anyone want that in there lives?
I don’t expect answers to these questions, but they plague me constantly.
I put myself out there recently, I thought I wanted to see what it was like in the dating world. I’m an honest person and people always ask about your previous relationships, I’m not going to lie about my situation. I tell them what they need to know but never to much.
I talked to one guy who seemed nice, we talked a lot, text a lot for about 10 days before I agreed to meet him.
He knew how nervous I was, he knew enough to know to be kind. In fact one of the first things he commented on was how he liked my t shirt and how important it was to ‘be kind’. However apparently that wasn’t to be.
I met him, and despite all the talking and reassurance on his end that it would be fine he still treated me like crap.
I’m the one left feeling worse off.
I don’t understand how in 2021 men think they can treat women so poorly. Im not painting all men with the same brush and I’m fully aware women can be just as bad but when will men learn women are not something they can play around with. We have feelings, feelings that get hurt. You can’t just use us for what you want and then move onto the next. It’s no wonder almost every girl I know has trust issues.
I don’t need my heart to be hurt anymore than it already is. I finally feel ready to put myself out there and already I’ve felt let down. I won’t let this stop my journey back into the dating world but I must say it hasn’t helped.
Men, please remember we are human beings to, we hurt, we have feelings, we long to be treated right. It’s not hard, stop treating us like we are an option.
It really does make you question your own self worth.
