Leading on from my last post.
The rest of last year was a blur of lockdowns on and off, trying to cope with constant rules and changes. And learning to survive on my own.
I have been involved in AFCB’s talking cherries mental health initiative from the get go and was so grateful for there support and funding to get me mental health first aider trained. It was a tough course to do but extremely beneficial and something I think every single person should do.
January this year I ended up catching Covid. I was very poorly for about 2 weeks and long term covid continues. I still can’t taste or smell fully and one of the worst things for me was I lost a lot of hair. Thankfully I seem to have turned a corner with my hair recently.
What I will say is, covid is real, it is not something you want to get and it is scary. Being alone whilst poorly was horrid.
In April I took on a walking challenge to raise money for SOBS – Support of bereavement by suicide charity. I walked a mile a day for the month and raised just over £1600. This might not seem a great deal to most but for me it was a challenge and one I am very proud I completed. I’ll be forever grateful for all who sponsored me and believed in me too.
And that leads me to more recent times. I have recently started to work for a local children’s charity which I am absolutely loving. I finally feel like I have some sort of purpose again and that is a welcomed feeling.
I have also recently been filmed for a small video raising awareness of suicide and mental health, this took a hell of a lot of courage, it’s fair to say i was the most anxiety ridden I had been in a long time filming this. But you know what, if it helps one person, than it’s done it’s job.
Petes 2 year anniversary was a difficult day this year. I really struggled leading up to it and have struggled since. I have found I spend more time thinking about him, the what ifs and the whys. I feel like the first year or my grief was more shock than actual grief and now the shock has finally subsided the real grief has taken over. I have recently started therapy and I hope this will help me untangle some of my head and help me have a better understanding.
Grief is a journey. I’m gonna be on it for the rest of my life, I fully accept that. It’ll change and I’ll grow alongside it. But it’ll always be there.
