This week has been a strange one.
The first 6-8 weeks after Pete died I felt like I was in some bubble, I kept it together, I don’t think I let myself accept it as true. Not entirely sure I fully have now. But I felt bad because it felt like I wasn’t upset enough. Strange.
Then Aug 2nd came, which should of been my hen party and since then my world has caved again and again and again.
I’ve felt every feeling I could of possibly imagined, not only mentally but physically to. It’s horrible what these situations can do to our bodies.
Last week and the start of this one were actually pretty horrible.
I enjoyed seeing and spending time with the people I have but the nights have turned into something I dread. It really scares me being by myself right now. Especially in the night. I know I can’t be with people 247 and people can’t be there for me every minute of every day but that doesn’t take away my fear.
I’ve spent the last 10 days or so crying myself to sleep, then when I do sleep it’s minimal and I have the strangest dreams. I am exhausted.
The questions and heart ache get so overwhelming it’s exhausting in itself let alone not having much sleep along side.
I’m not used to being such a tearful person and I really don’t like it. Pete would find this highly amusing, probably sounds wrong to most of you but if you knew us he would be laughing cause he had broken me and made me have feelings 🙄🤦🏼♀️ that was Pete though, despite all we went through our relationship was so light hearted, he would be proud of himself lol.
So Monday night I went out with a friend had a really nice evening and came home to be told about the local newspaper article.. If it hadn’t been for one family member buying the paper that day and stumbling across it none of us would of known.
I just wanna correct a few things, I don’t think the article is very clear on anything. It was a page filler in the actual paper and i honestly don’t even see why it was written.
For a start, the inquest has been opened, but that is all. It won’t go back to court till next April.
Secondly and this may not seem important to most but it is to me, he told me he felt sick not his mum. The way the article is written makes it sound like we knew and didn’t do anything. But he felt sick in the middle of the night, he went downstairs cause he was poorly.
I was the last person to speak to him and see him alive. I gave a statement to the police an hour after finding him dead that Friday morning.
‘combined overdose’ a very elusive way to write what it was.. It was combined yes, if was 2 prescription medications. Not any illegal drugs.
I would hope anyone reading this knew Pete well enough to know he would never of touched drugs like that. He was fully against them.
Some of the comments on the Facebook post and on the article itself were horrible! Thankfully they were all removed. But the paper itself refused to remove the article despite numerous phone calls emails etc from everyone.
Infact all they have said is they will report on the inquests findings in April 🙄 yay another article full of shit.
The article made me more angry than anything else, how dare they write such a stupid article with such misinterpretations of my Pete. He does not deserve that. He doesn’t deserve any of this.
I’ve calmed down about it now, I still feel the same about it but it is what it is, they won’t back down because they have a legal right to do what they do. Legal yes, morally no.
Today marks 12 weeks since Pete left us. 12 bloody weeks, that’s 84 days without my soul mate.
And 1 week till our wedding day.
My heart hurts.
