Dear Pete.
Today marks one year since the last overdose which didn’t work. I remember waking up to you unconscious next to me in bed, and the really sad part is I wasn’t even surprised. It had become something that happened often enough that it was almost normal. I hate saying that but it’s the scary part of it.
I remember sitting in the relatives room at the hospital whilst you were in resus. The doctor coming and telling us we could come and see you but explaining you were at less than 8 on the Glasgow coma score. You were so out of it, the only thing you responded to was when they tried to put the drip in you. You didn’t know who we were, you hit out at us and told us to go away. It’s strange because this wasn’t one of your worst attempts but the way you acted made it so upsetting. Even though we knew you didn’t know what you were doing.
We were sent home and told they would ring us when you had come round more. No one knew when it would be because none of us could be certain of what you had taken at this point.
Eventually some of the meds they gave you helped so you were moved to a ward.
We came straight back to be with you and as normal everyone left us alone together for a bit. You still weren’t making much sense, it was like your brain knew what you wanted to say but your mouth wouldn’t cooperate.
This was the time you caused yourself kidney damage. That scared me. The sad thing is it didn’t scare you.
I’m really struggling without you. I’ve got incredible friends and family who keep me going but some days it’s you and you only that I need/want.
It’s gonna be my first birthday without you soon and then all to soon it’ll be the one year anniversary of losing you. I don’t know how it’s almost that time already, it has gone quickly but equally so much has happened and changed and it’s gone slow. That makes no sense I realise.
I wish you realised how loved you were and how much your life was worth living. I know the demons told you a different story and it really does break me that they got so big you believed them. But know this, your loved and missed every single day, your thought about constantly and life has never been and will never be the same without you.
Always and forever my love. ❤️
